Throwing out everything I think I know

I've decided that right now, this is an important thing for me to do. I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to wonder how many of the thoughts running through my head are MY thoughts? I was recently told by a friend that I'm too much of a people pleaser and I would rather back down on my own opinions that fight. I think he was right to an extent. And I don't think it's just the day to day things. I fear it's the big picture things as well.
Last night, I was watching Jay Leno, and that's when this all hit me. First Leo DiCaprio was on talking about his new movie on global warming. My gut reaction was "bah, whatever", but then I realized that no, I think I want to look into this more to see what I think because I have nothing to back up that reaction.
Next guest was Gordon Ramsay. He and Jay were making Gnocchi. My first reaction was "ick" and then I realized I've never TRIED it, so how can I say that? At some point, I'm going to find the recipe they made and I'm going to try it. I had a knee-jerk "ick" reaction to salmon, then my dad made salmon quesadillas and I LOVED them. Never wanted to eat feta cheese, then I tried it in something and loved it. I have no idea where I've gotten the idea that some of these things aren't good, but I'm going to start trying things. Heck, my daughter is less of a picky eater than I am!
The third guest was Fuel. I almost turned the channel because I don't like "that music". After spending the rest of the show wondering about my opinions on things, I listened to it. The song they played was GREAT. Had a good melody, it was definitely hard rock but not shouting, and the words were very moving.

I know that Jay Leno may seem like a strange show to come to a huge decision like this, but sometimes the things that move us come from unlikely places. And I truly believe that watching that show is going to have an impact on my life. Who knows what I will think of things and what my opinions will be a year from now. I have no clue, but I can tell you one thing, they will be the ideas of Heather.

On another note, I can smile again! I had some dental work done yesterday (ALOT) and I finally have a smile I'm proud of again!!!! I feel like that was a very big thing for me to have done because a Heather who has been missing (in my eyes) for a long time is starting to come back to life! I'm a happy person by nature, and I no longer feel like I have to open my mouth as little as possible and if I'm happy about something, I can smile as big and wide as I want and not worry about what others will think! So if you see me walking around town smiling, there may be nothing particularly happy going on, I'm just happy to have that confidence back!

Dance Like No one's Watching

I figured out another thing that I want to do. I want to dance. Not professionally. I want to get up and dance with Khaila when she hears music on the radio or on TV and can't help but get up and dance. That little girl LOVES to dance and she LOVES music. Two things that make me a very happy mommy!
25 years from now, I want Khaila to think back to when she and mommy used to dance in the living room. Not so much remembering when she was little enough that I had to pick her up, but I want her to remember standing on my feet and the two of us dancing like no one is watching, whether it's just us or the entire family sitting around watching. I know that's one of my treasured memories of growing up!

Depression

It's amazing to me how different people react to depression differently. It does NOT amaze me that people who have problems that need attention don't get help given comments I've been seeing lately regarding Amber on this season of Big Brother. I've seen and heard comments about how annoying her crying is, how fake she is, etc. And I have to admit that I was one of them for a while. Then I watched "Big Brother After Dark" a few nights ago and she was talking about something things in her personal life.
Married at 18, divorced with a little girl by 22. To me, that's significant for a BIG reason. I was "lucky" to not have any kids when I went through my divorce, but I think there are still some issues to be resolved from that. I think that when a marriage fails, it rocks your world. And I feel that 22 is while you are still trying to figure out who in the hell you are as a person. To get married so young, have a child so young, get divorced so young is bound to create or enhance issues.
I've said many times since my divorce that I think getting married at 21 was a mistake. I don't think I was emotionally ready to get married. I think that I would have been better off waiting and figuring out who I was and then finding a man who would complement me rather than falling in love with Mr. Right Now and trying to conform to who he was.
That leads to the next issue that I see. She said she got into a relationship right out of that marriage. Again, not taking the time to figure out who she is. She says she's in love with this man and that he's great to her. I hope she's right. I also hope that she will take the time to get to know HERSELF before she runs off and gets married again.
I have no desire to pick on her for her crying anymore. I think maybe that's because I see too much of myself in her. Luckily while some people picked on the overly sensitive actions, others supported me and urged me to get help. I'm not saying I'm "cured", honestly, I wonder if there is a total cure for depression and the issues it creates. But with the help of my therapist, my doctor, and my family, I am getting through this. Slowly, I'm learning who Heather really is and hope that I'll have a good relationship with myself from here on out!

If you see someone in obvious pain, don't pick, pick them up! Support them. Urge them to get help so they can be happy and be the best person they can be! Mental illness is not something to pick on or laugh at, it's serious business. Sometimes there are other reasons for what you are seeing and someone needs you to see those reasons and nudge them.

Better safe than sorry...

In light of the Minneapolis bridge collapse yesterday, I went in and updated my phonebook in my cell. Do you have an ICE contact? Granted it's not going to be the first thing rescue crews will do when on the scene of an emergency, but it may help them contact family once you are in route to the hospital or at the hospital should something happen. I have two ICE contacts, my dad's and my stepmom's cell phones. I have their home phone under Dad and my mom's under Mom, more contacts that are easily identifiable. I have my home number in there so they can call my house. I have my husband's work number in there under Hubby work because they won't know who Rick is, but they'll probably understand Hubby.

Do you have a CHAD sticker on any carseats you own? This will allow emergency workers to have information on your child in case of an accident. You can find more information at the website listed below. The program is named after an infant named Chad who was in an accident and they had no idea who he was. Luckily an emergency room nurse recognized him and they could contact his parents, but most people wouldn't be so lucky. They're free and you never know if they may save your child's life if something should happen. Yes, it sounds like an exaggeration but think about it, if you're in an accident and unconscious or worse, or if your child is with someone other than you, what will happen? I'd rather be safe than sorry!

http://www.mindspring.com/~tpatxdiv/chad.htm